


Gordon Ramsay: Thief

by Bookshido



Category: Kitchen Nightmares - Fandom
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, I Was Drunk When I Wrote This
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-07-27
Packaged: 2018-12-07 14:23:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11625417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bookshido/pseuds/Bookshido
Summary: Gordon Ramsay steals my shit.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Гордон Рамси — вор](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13979352) by [DrinkAndBite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrinkAndBite/pseuds/DrinkAndBite), [Greenmusik](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Greenmusik/pseuds/Greenmusik)



It was a bright summer afternoon when I noticed she was gone. I had been standing there with my foot up my ass and Gordon Ramsay stole her. He didn’t even say anything, no final ‘Fuck you’. What he had done was enough to send me down a never ending path of revenge.

Gordon Ramsay stole my wife. And I’m going to get her back.

* * *

This isn’t the first time he had stolen from me.

He stole my second sister as well. She was just standing there, acting as his waitress in a pretty red and orange sundress. And then she was gone while I was in the back, cooking like a raw salmon. She vanished into his odd SUV and he drove off, leaving me in my kitchen nightmare. 

So what I did was I tracked him down to one of his many, time and space resistant restaurants. He has the ability to change location in an instant, popping up when you're not doing your job and being an idiot sandwich. But I think he finally has stopped running and will face me. 

I waited until after dinner service, because even I, his sworn enemy, can't get on the list. I broke in by dropping through a skylight. He was waiting for me with my wife, who enjoying his aromatic rice pudding while we prepared to duel.

"Today, you will die," I declared, seizing a decorative sword. 

"Fuck off," he mocked, grabbing his favorite weapon, two steak knives. 

"Let her choose!" I shouted, pointing at my wife. 

She looked between us and shrugged. 

"I choose the Chef," she declared, stepping to his side. 

I hung my head, defeated. With a sigh, I tossed the sword at his feet, finally acknowledging what we both knew. 

"Fuck. Off," he said, whispering in my ear. 

With broken pride, I retreated. 


	2. Chapter 2

It was a dim fall evening when I noticed it was gone. I had been doing nothing, standing there like a floppy tortilla when he took it. He didn’t inform me about it, no lukewarm compliments thrown my way. But I didn’t even feel anything now. 

Gordon Ramsay stole my soul. And I’m going to steal his.


End file.
